I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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