im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
