YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize