Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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