I just saw a hot homeless man
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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