You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
