He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
