i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
