i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
