Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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