If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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