ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
one might say we're banned from that church
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's not a walk of shame if you run
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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