Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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