I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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