Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
