guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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