We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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