Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
