On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
