Is it normal to miss your booty call?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
