he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
