the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
