Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
