She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
