I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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