The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
