I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I just shit out all my problems.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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