Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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