Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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