Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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