Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
