I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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