Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
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I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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