going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
