Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
