So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
