Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize