her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
