your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
