Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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