I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
