I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
