I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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