My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
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nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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