I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you inspire me to be a worse person
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
