is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
