I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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