I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
