none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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