hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
