I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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