Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
