Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
