Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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