I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
