So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm like, not good at living.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
