My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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