In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
